BEST 3:48 MIN EVER
"You are the biggest mistake of my fucking life"
THIS IS AMAZING
man imagine aliens w no concept of interspecies cooperation or pets
'commander the scan of this shelter reveals three primary lifeforms'
'excellent. elaborate please'
'all mammals. two quadrupeds, one feline and one canine, as well as one biped sapien. they appear to be… relaxing and eating in a shared space'
'what the fuck'
Genetically Modified Berry compared to Organic Berry:
Note that the modified specimen is bloated to about 3 times the mass of the common berry. Advanced rot has set in prior to maturity and tests revealed 78% more lactic acid in the modified organism.
Upon contact with the modified berry, the picker’s hands exhibited a rash which is clearly visible on the fingers and should not be mistaken for juice stains acquired during picking. While the common berry, of course, has no ill effects on the skin, the modified organism had an effect similar to poison oak and swelling set in shortly after the photo was taken. The discoloration and pain lasted approximately 12 hours with treatment including Neosporin and Syrup of Ipecac.
At 16 hours the specimen went missing and could not be monitored for decay rates. While the common berry remained, the modified berry was spotted the next Tuesday at the corner of Wallace and 12th St. Having grown another meter and a half, the genetically modified berry murdered two prostitutes and became the target of a cross country manhunt. It was last seen on February 20th in Boulder, CO where it has joined with several bananas from the Monsanto corporation and stolen at least two shotguns from the Boulder Police Department.
A manifesto was released online suggesting that the berries intend to strike at our nurseries, killing our young and replacing them with further modified organisms which we will raise as our own. They also intend to “free their enslaved brothers” by treating common fruits and possibly vegetables with mutagens.
The head of the FDA could not be reached for comment as he has gone missing. Only a glass of unidentified red fluid was found in his office, labeled “Extra Pulp”.
The number of people that aren’t reading the whole thing and are hailing it as fact make me laugh harder than the actual story.
does coldplay still exist
yeah people coldplay as batman, loki, all sorts :)
Why would anyone want to imitate The Purge in real life? Why not choose a better movie, like Space Jam?
Every day I feel like I have to stop, take a deep breath and say, “No, this really isn’t worth going to jail over.” Like, several times.
Zoo Helping Reintroduce Rare California Turtle Species
by Chris Jennewein
The San Diego Zoo is working with state and federal scientists to reintroduce a rare turtle species into a local ecological preserve and monitor their progress via tiny radio transmitters.
Five juvenile western pond turtles were released into the Sycuan Peak Ecological Reserve on Thursday by a team of federal, state and zoo scientists. The turtles are part of a “headstart” program which involves raising hatchlings at the zoo to a large enough size to give them a chance of fending off natural predators.
The turtles are sporting miniature radio transmitters applied with a flexible silicone sealant, which allows the young turtles’ shells to grow and expand, even with the transmitter device attached to it…
(read more: Times of San Diego)
Photograph by Ken Bohn/San Diego Zoo